Happy Mother’s Day to all of the women out there that have or are currently molding and shaping the morals and values of any young person. There is so much more to being a mother than birthing a child. Being raised by my great grandmother I quickly learned that concept a long time ago.
As we experience this year’s Mother’s Day on state-induced quarantine, I have had the chance to experience motherhood on a number of levels, in a new way. The most important takeaway thus far is that I am raising four uniquely different types of headstrong children. Parents often know that each of their children is different thus having to parent each child differently; but then they usually have that one underlying trait that no matter, at what age, it ties them together as siblings.
For my children, it is the need to unnecessarily find their own way to do something, that I have probably already have instructed them to do... Instead of taking the easy route, my children oftentimes choose the "path less traveled" or in my opinion the path called "mommy told you not to" resulting in them learning the hard way and learning from their own mistakes.
Being quarantined has allowed us to fill our memory books with stories GALORE. For instance, I have told my daughter not to use hair products without asking probably 20,000 times and I think for a split moment, I thought it finally sunk in. Welp, nope, because I had the pleasure of finding out during one of our bi-weekly "hair days" that she had been using products without asking and now she is dealing with the repercussions of having to grow a sizable amount of her hair back. Its kind of funny to retrospectively think back on that moment because I reacted as if it were my hair and like it would never grow back. It's somewhat (not really but kinda) funny right now. She's crying, I am trying not to cry so instead I am trying really hard not to yell, then I am mute and then talking with her to get clarity on the situation and then back to trying not to yell..We were a legit a hot mess for about .5 seconds and then we pulled it together again.
At the end of everything, once the emotions had settled, I told her that I made a mistake like that at her age all the time (just not with my hair) and that I make even more mistakes as her mommy (just not with my hair). I understood that she was making her own mistakes to find her own way and was somewhat unapologetic for it, more about her hair situation than being found out but (shrug) she has officially lived and learned on this one.
At the end of the day, I know that they will be just fine in the long run. They listen when they want but they HEAR me all the time. I know because of the Nicole-isms that have been thrown at me. For instance, I tell me kiddos about the importance of preparation and give them pep talks at least once or twice a week on it. So when I am rushing out the door, with five bags, a cup of coffee and a plate of food in my hands with stuff dropping all around me, I hear "You know Mommy, if you stay ready, you won’t have to ever get ready, and then you won’t ever have to rush out of the door because you know that when you rush it really slows you down because you forget something and have to come back into the house and then you’re super late, BUT if you were already ready you wouldn’t have to do that.”
BLANK STARE 😑 Wait a minute... Were those my words verbatim? Yes, indeed they were. Even though the timing of the Nicole-ism was not when I needed to hear it but it also reminded me that they might not always listen but they hear me and are observing me.
I have experienced so many women come into Queen Anna House of Fashion and love things that they later returned because of someone else’s opinion on their purchase. One of the things that will always be important to me is to never let someone buy something that they don’t absolutely love. My number one question to anyone in the dressing room is “Do you love it?” and if it’s a yes great, we move on, and if it’s not then I encourage them to find something that they absolutely love because that's what's most important to me as a business owner
Many of us that are raising daughters specifically are hoping that we are raising them to be fearless, unapologetic, and authentically themselves, but when what we’re telling them to do, doesn’t align with the things we do as their parent, they notice.
With work and school both at home the added time together has merged our worlds and made it easier to instill more of the little things that without question matter the most. I want to encourage all the women out there that are trying their best to raise fearless, self-sufficient, responsible and confident human beings to join me in practicing what we preach. When our words don’t align with our actions, it is our actions that our children will choose to replicate.
So, this Mother’s Day, with it being as different as it will be, I want to encourage all of the moms out there to live the life you want your children to follow, be vulnerable with them and let them learn from your mistakes and for you, to be OK when they have to learn from their own. Pick a day and tell them everything that you wish someone told you at their age. Disclaimer, be prepared for the host of questions and answers that might follow! But most of all, show them how to make decisions and choices based on the things that they want in their lives and what makes them happy because I know as a parent, the greatest feeling in the world is knowing that your children are happy, healthy and knowing that feel loved.
Happy Mother’s Day, stay safe, and until next time, bye-bye!